After she dyed her hair, she went for a drive to see if she could trick anyone.

She came across a sheep herder and his herd and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have in your herd, can I take one home?”

The sheep herder said, “Sure!”

The blonde proudly said, “There are 345 sheep.”

The sheep herder exclaimed, “Wow! That is absolutely right, so go ahead and pick a sheep to take home.”

The Blonde got out, got a sheep, and put it in her car.

The sheep herder said, “Now I have a deal for you. If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”

… Put a little boogey in it.

“$200″, he replied.

“That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?”

The store manager said he couldn’t, and got irritated when the blond persisted.

Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, “There’s a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don’t you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes for free?!” he yelled.

“Fine I will,” the blonde replied.

After an hour, the manager got a bit worried and decided to go out and check on her.

When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.

Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed “Oh my gosh! This one is NOT wearing shoes!”

The next day, she took it to a repair shop. Noticing that she was blonde, the technician decided to have some fun.

He told her to take the car home and blow real hard into the tailpipe and the dents would pop out.

When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as she was instructed. At that moment, her blonde girlfriend drove by and saw her puffing on the tailpipe.

Thinking the worst, the friend was startled and said, “What are you doing?”

She said that the man at the body shop told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.

Her girlfriend said, “Well, duhhhhhh! You need to roll up the windows first!”

“Okay, honey,” the sheriff drawled, “What is 1 and 1?”

“Eleven,” she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but she’s right.” Then the sheriff asked, “What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”.

“Today and Tomorrow,” she replied.

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. “Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?”, asked the sheriff.

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

The sheriff replied, “Well, why don’t you go on and work on that one for a while?”

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her buds were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

The blonde was overjoyed. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

Because, The DNA is all the same and there are no dental records.

Put her in a circular room and tell her to find the corner.

How does she confuse you?

by saying she did.

“I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’”

“About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like ‘Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert.’ (Ladies, that’s not true)”

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
– Demetri Martin

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.
– Demetri Martin

“I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you’re really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you’re saying: ‘Hope I don’t get chased today.’ ‘Be nice to people in sneakers.’”